by Jerry Lingenfelter

If a person were to come to you today and say “I am thinking of leaving my church,” what would you say? What advice would you give to either negate or substantiate their purpose(s) for leaving and, further, how would you recommend that they go about it? Though this may seem like a rather odd series of questions, William Hendricks estimates that 53,000 people leave their church every week and never return. If we doubt this statistic many of us need only to look at our own experiences to prove that it is true. Experience has shown that nearly every person who reads this article has left or will at some point leave a church for a variety of positive or negative reasons. At the very least we all will be a witness to someone’s departure. What may come as a surprise to us is that despite all the negative experiences that come to our minds when we think of leaving a church, it is possible to leave a church without marring the name of Christ, His Church, and our own reputations. The question that stands before us is, “How in the world is this possible?”

I would like to propose that there are five principles that we can apply from the example of the apostle Paul in Acts chapter 20 that will allow us to leave a church with a clear conscience. Though our personal circumstances are vastly different than Paul’s, it is clear that he has provided us a virtuous example to follow when leaving a group of people with whom we have established personal relationships.

Here are the five clear principles we can apply from the example of Paul.
 

1. Extend Communication (Acts 20:17)
The first thing we notice is that when the time came for Paul to leave the region he took the initiative to meet face-to-face with the leaders of the church. There is something powerful and integral about sitting down with leaders and addressing the issues that surround your desire to move on. Sadly, in our day the common exit is either made in silence or accompanied with a letter or e-mail which typically results in confusion and hurt. This, however, was not the example of Paul. It seems he knew that the three-year relationship that he had with this church compelled him to tell them of his departure and the probability that they would never see him again.
 

2. Evaluate your Character (Acts 20:18-21) The second thing that Paul does is remind the church that they know him to be a man of integrity, whom they have seen serve with great humility, be proven faithful in adversity, and always be truthful with everybody. It may seem odd that Paul would take the time to review his character, yet we know that decisions are either substantiated or negated in light of an individual’s character. It appears obvious that the news of his leaving was accepted without reservation by these men because they knew that Paul was not a flakey person who made decisions on a whim. This certainly stands in contrast to the departures that we witness today. Experience has proven that more people leave the church over issues of personal character than they do over issues of relational conflict. For example the person who lacks integrity always has a fear of being found out and so he leaves a church when people get too close. Those who do not serve with humility will leave when they feel that their contributions are going unnoticed. Others will leave a church when they face adversity or challenge of any kind. And finally people leave when they are not truthful with everybody and are caught showing favoritism or partiality. Any person who is thinking of leaving a church correctly must take the time to evaluate their conduct and character in order to determine that their motivation for leaving is a correct one. This leads us to the next principle.
 

3. Explain the Cause (Acts 20:22-24)
The third principle that we can apply is to clearly and objectively explain our reasons for leaving. Paul made it clear that his reasons for leaving were a matter of obedience and a matter of fulfilling the mission that God had given him. He believed that if he did not go that he would be disobedient to God. As believers we should know that there are times when we are clearly commanded to disassociate with others. When heresy is being preached (Gal. 1:7-9), when leaders continue to tolerate errant doctrine (Rom. 16:17), when the church is marked by gross hypocrisy (2 Tim. 3:5), when a church tolerates blatant sin and refuses to discipline or hold its members accountable (1 Cor 5:1-11), or when a church is seriously out of step with the biblical pattern of the church (2 Thess. 3:6,14) we must either work to better the situation or move on in search of a healthy biblical community. Further, Paul was leaving in an attempt to further the kingdom of God. As Paul left it was clear that he was moving on for greater ministry impact and everyone was going to benefit by his move. Finally, as he departed he knew that the road was not going to be easy and that pain and death lay ahead of him, but for Paul this decision was not about ease or comfort. It is obvious that in this decision he was seeking to honor God the most and serve the kingdom the best that he could.
 

4. Express Concern (Acts 20:25-35)
The fourth thing we notice is that Paul did not leave without concern for the ministry he was leaving behind. We read how he supported the ministry by commending them to God and how he respected the position of the leaders by encouraging them to continue fulfilling their roles and protecting the sheep of God. Too often people leave church without any regard for those they leave. The truth is that leaving a church should be an emotional experience but it does not need to be a torturous one. For all the leaders of Ephesus and Paul it was a bittersweet reality. Paul was moving on; they knew that he cared and that they shared an eternal bond in Christ that would unite them again in eternity. For us as we leave we must always be mindful that disowning fellow believers in not an option for we all are members of the body of Christ. We should seek to express empathy for the wayward and deep concern for the faithful we leave behind.